Category - WCQ

Post World Cup Qualifiers Gumbo

Whew, buddy, it’s a slick and miserable evening up here in Anchorage at the Two Daft Yanks Polar Studios. Messy, freezing rain. Slick roads. Accidents and road closings all make for a tough drive time commute. Whew! In the cold conditions, it’s good weather for gumbo, so here’s some soccer gumbo for you on this Friday evening. Git you some!

Zusico relief!

Much I managed to navigate the tough and testing Alaskan weather conditions this evening much like a back-to-Golden Generation Mexico navigated their World Cup playoff qualifier with New Rugbyland this past international break, qualifying for Brazil with a 9-3 aggregate win.  El Tri certainly didn’t cover themselves in glory during their qualifying campaign and it’ll still be interesting to see what happens with the team chemistry when the European-based players come back into the fold seeing as the team’s performances during the Hexagonal were extremely underwhelming.

Does newly installed Mexican coach, Miguel Herrera, continue on with his Club America-based squad that did so well in the playoff, albeit against an overmatched New Zealand, or does he risk (re)integrating the European based players which includes star, Javier Chamakharito? Or perhaps Miguel Herrera will defer all decisions to Señor Mexico, Graham Zusi, henceforth?

“Señor Mexico, he say I am to continue with the poor form, amigos.”

“¡Ay Caramba, Chamakharito. Que mala suerte para ti!”

ESPN, Qatar’s Lapdogs?

A writer for ESPN, Phil Ball, was recently invited on an all expenses paid trip to Qatar (paid by Qatar) to see firsthand the issues that are drawing ever more scrutiny and controversy to the 2022 World Cup due to be held in the Middle Eastern nation. An all expenses paid trip to a country that is itching for good press and a sports journalist comes out and writes a glowing piece on the issues in Qatar? Label me shocked!

ESPN certainly wasn’t ready for the apparent backlash or the cavalier dismissal of dozens of Nepalese immigrant workers’ deaths and accusations of slavery-like conditions as “workers’ rights issues.” Yeah, weird how that works, ESPN. When “workers” are claiming slave-like treatment, they’re not exactly workers at that point are they? The self-anointed “World Wide Leader in Sports” apparently were so embarrassed by the article, it was removed this morning but a copy of the original article can be found here at Business Insider. Take the time to read it, if you will. Definitely reads as a fluff piece that dismisses the criticisms of the Qatari World Cup too easy for me.

It’s quite a naïve and callous, especially after going on a trip that is tantamount to a bribe and writing an article that is tantamount to propaganda, for Phil Ball to dismiss legitimate criticisms of working conditions and the safety of said workers as merely complains from “Western journalists who have never stepped foot in the country.” Organizations such as the European Union and Human Rights Watch, for all I would likely disagree with most of their political beliefs personally, are not journalistic organizations and both have recently come out with resolutions and statements, respectively,  drawing increasing criticism on the Persian Gulf state.

With accusations such as the Qataris landing their bid through means of bribery of FIFA, at the moment seemingly outlandish stadium technological designs to combat the searing summer heat, possibly shifting the World Cup to the winter which would upset major leagues around the world, the aforementioned workers’ rights and safety concerns, etc. I only hope that Israel somehow qualifies for this 2022 World Cup in Qatar just to add to the political chaos that is seemingly due to consume the Qatari World Cup at some point and force it to be moved to another nation.

Orlando Wants to Take The MLS… Globally?

The newly awarded MLS franchise, Orlando City SC, apparently has a bunch of fans already in Brazil. Like 220,000+ likes on their Brazilian Facebook page level a bunch. No, really. You see, Orlando City has a Brazilian owner, Flávio Augusto da Silva, and he has made it a stated goal to advertise and market Orlando City SC heavily in Brazil. He has said that he doesn’t want to make Orlando City SC a Brazilian MLS club but does want to make it the best known MLS club in Brazil.

Either way, I hope they are more successful than what I predict will be a joke of a franchise down in Miami and it all adds up to a Florida derby with the also new as of yet unofficially named Miami FC (I suggest, Plastic FC Miami) that will be invested in and at least part-owned by David Beckham and LeBron James.

So, have a bit of that gumbo and as I’m getting hungry myself, I’ll head off to eat and count down the hours until the EPL gets fired up again tomorrow following the international break. Is it just me or do they seem to get longer each time? I know they don’t actually get longer, they just feel longer. Oh well, here’s a few more tidbits for you as I sign off:

Tell us something we don’t know, man.

Ehrmagehrd what will Juan Agudelo do now?!

Relax, it’s just training and fitness.

It wasn’t really Mike Riley, Maureenho. It was the Jerky Boys pranking Steve Clarke.

And oh yeah… MLS playoffs resume this weekend too.

Now get the heck out of here and drink a few beers and maybe play some FIFA or Football Manager!

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Zusico With One Foot In Brazil

With a stellar five goal performance from Graham Zusi*, Zusico has one foot in Brazil & has loaded the bags on the plane already. Zusico, playing without their acknowledged European-based stars such as Javier “Chamakharito” Hernández and Giovanni Dos Spurso played ninety minutes of flowing attacking soccer. Which is to say that they played about eighty-eight and a half minutes more of attacking soccer than they did in the entire CONCACAF Hexagonal.

What was the key to Zusico’s turnaround in the FIFA playoff against New Zealand? Was it new Mexican boss, Miguel Herrera’s decision to call up the bulk of his former Club America side and base the Zusico lineup on that? Or was it the fact that they played a nation more known for sailing and rugby than soccer? Congratulations, Zusico. Maybe if you had moved to the Oceania confederation, you would’ve qualified earlier! Oh no, wait, you would’ve had to have played a CONCACAF side in the playoff and might’ve lost…

Miguel Herrera, shown here viewing footage of rabid chupacabras
disemboweling and feasting on fired El Tri managers

Anyway, with yesterday’s performance, Zusico would have to have a choke of monumental proportions not to go into to the land where the Lord of the Rings trilogy was filmed and not come out with their tickets punched to Brazil. However, with the side’s roster again to be based on Club America players, let the debate begin of whether or not this will cause some roster strife next spring and summer with the Club America v European-based players. Will Zusico drop Chamakharito & Gio Dos Spurso in the future for the side that now is apparently lifting Zusico back to excellence?

So, congratulations, Zusico! I mean with a 5-1 win over New Rugbyland, Zusico has to be installed as World Cup tournament favorites again, amirite?! I even hear there are rumors of erecting a statue of Graham Zusi, “Señor Mexico” outside of Azteca in the near future and there are even plans to rename Azteca to Zusteca. There is no truth to the rumor that Zusico’s nickname of  El Tricolor or El Tri shall be changed to Los Grahamadores, however.

Regardless, this Zusican side will always be thought of fondly as  “Generación Oro Tonto / Generación Pirita Ferruginosa” to me…

YOU’RE WELCOME, MEXICO!
The blessings of Santo Zusi be upon thee

Fun Fauxts for Zusico v. New Rugbyland

The 5 goals scored by Zusico are the most ever by a soccer side versus a rugby side.

• Javier “Chamakharito” Hernández scored as many goals yesterday for Zusico as he has in his last several matches. In fact, he scored as many for Zusico yesterday as I did sitting in an office chair as well as playing as any minutes as I did too.

• Miguel Herrera does part-time work as an Eddie Money impersonator in the offseason. He wows wedding parties with his mariachi version of “Two Tickets To Paradise” known as “Dos Billetes A Golazos”

• Yesterday’s match referee, Hungarian Viktor Kassai, is a descendant of the former Austro-Hungarian Habsburg ruling family of Zusico, who ruled Zusico from 1864-1867.

• New Zealand was originally to be called New LMNOPealand but was decided against it when it was learned that L, M, N, O & P were all actual separate letters despite sounding like a singular long letter when saying your ABCs.

• The above bits are completely made up. Except the one about me scoring and playing as much as Chamakharito.

 

I, Corey “Curtísimo” J. Chatelain, hereby declare under the Articles of Daftness that all goals henceforth scored by Mexico until Brazil 2014 has concluded shall be credited to Graham Zusi since he is “Señor Mexico” & Mexico is only alive following Zusi’s last minute goal against Panama.

PS – you want seriousness talk to Chad the Stats & Chalkboard Man!

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Episode 23: We Are All Kiwis

Kiwi-Natural-remedy-against-many-diseases1

It is that time of the week again where the Two Daft Yanks dazzle you with their daftness. This week sees us at another international break so there is plenty to talk about as we look at the week that was and the week that will be. On this week’s episode:

– Jurgen Klinsmann announces his USMNT roster for the games versus Scotland and Austria

– A look at the World Cup playoffs across the globe

– A Marriner rescues Chelsea from being adrift at sea

– Man U is back again!

– MLS Playoffs analysis

– The Cosmos are NASL champions!

Listen to or download the podcast below:

Two Daft Yanks Episode 23

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“You’re Welcome, Mexico”

So much for Chad & I’s Operation #ElevenMenOut. Instead, “#YoureWelcomeMexico” was trending on Twitter within an hour or two following the United States’ exhilarating/disappointing 3-2 win over a desperate Panama side in a rain-soaked Estadio Rommel Fernandez. Two goals from the Yanks in a most Manchester United-esque fashion  ruined Panamanian World Cup dreams and kept Mexico’s World Cup hopes alive despite the Mexican loss. Two goals in as many minutes in stoppage time? Move over Fergie time, it’s Klinsi time now!

You read that correctly in the opening paragraph too- I offered “disappointing” as a possible way to interpret the US win. I was one of the haters kind of wanting the US to lose to Panama to possibly eliminate Mexico from the World Cup altogether as the Mighty Era of Dominance Mexico lost to Costa Rica, 2-1. If not minding had the US lost, despite clinching first place in the CONCACAF hex in the prior match, would’ve eliminated El Tri then by all means, I’m a hater. With a capital H. Print me up a t-shirt that says “I’m a hater who wouldn’t have minded had the US lost as long as Mexico was eliminated,” & I’ll proudly wear that muthascratcher down Main Street. I’m flexible. I’m adaptable. Of course I liked that the US won. But I don’t have to not be disappointed a bit that the win allowed Mexico a gasping breath to remain alive for World Cup qualification by going into a playoff with the Oceanian champion, New Zealand.

Anyway, it made for interesting viewing that’s for sure. So, congrats, Mexico. Your era of dominance continues… on life support for the moment. A solid two wins and seven goals in ten matches in the hex. Of course, by solid, I mean solid like jello. Or pudding. Or flan. El triflanes!

Javier Hernandez, the Mexican Marouane Chamakh, said after Mexico’s loss,

If you want to see the playoff in the negative, that is one way to look at it but God has given us another chance and that is the way I see it,

Thanks for the high evaluation of the USMNT, Chamakharito, but I’d rather you call us “daddy” instead of “God.” Just deal with your new found mediocrity, dominance, whatever Mexico has these days, without risking vengeance for blaspheme, Little Pea. Or actually go ahead do that now that I think about… Go New Zealand!

Anyway, for all the Mexico backing into the playoff spot schadenfreude, mange!- Gracias a estrellas suerte! Mexico is a laughingstock that doesn’t deserve the playoff berth! Mexico must call Klinsmann when they play Who Wants To Be A Losernaire! Mexico has lessons to learn!

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Episode 20: Winter Of Discontent

Soccer Ball Snowman

Surprise! The Two Daft Yanks are here this week because Chad forgot when his vacation started (he really does need a vacation). That’s good news for you though because you know you would have missed the daftness. On this week’s episode:

– Some quick hex tidbits

– Cascadia Derby, Portland is triumphant in a chippy encounter

– MLS winter schedule rumor

–  Gareth Bale damaged goods

-Qatar 2022 World Cup, will it happen?

Listen to or download the podcast below:

TDY Episode 20

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