Tag - North London derby

Episode 39: Red Card Madness

red_card

Just when you think you have everything figured out and know how things will look at the end of this Premier League season, everything gets turned on its head as a series of unthinkable events happen (including some red card madness). That very long sentence is how the Premier League can be described this weekend and the Two Daft Yanks Podcast rides back into action to break it all down. On this week’s episode:

– Not Ray Hudson stops by.

-10 man Manchester City win comfortably at Hull.

– Chelsea with a red card double salvo lose at Villa Park.

– This week in daftness featuring Warren Barton.

– Liverpool go to Old Trafford and win just like everyone else.

-North London Derby analysis.

Listen to or download the podcast below, or listen on your mobile device via Stitcher, TuneIn or iTunes.

Two Daft Yanks Episode 39

 

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Anything’s Possible In A North London Derby

Another North London derby is upon us as Arsenal will travel up the road to take on Tottenham at White Hart Lane on Sunday. When these two rival clubs meet all the clichés that are normally used in rivalries (throw the records away etc.) do actually come into play. In the past six matches in all competitions Arsenal have won four matches and Tottenham have won two. Four of these six matches have been decided by just a single goal, with the other two in the 2012 calendar year finishing 5-2 in favor of the Gunners with the help of a Spurs red card.

As we approach the run in to this 13/14 season Arsenal are clearly in better shape than their north London counterparts. Arsenal sit in the top four in the league and are in theory still in contention for the title only seven points back of current table toppers Chelsea. Wenger also has his side in the semi-finals of the FA Cup (knocking out Spurs along the way) as he looks to end the clubs much talked about trophyless streak. Tottenham on the other hand are a club in transition mid-season after the December sacking of AVB. Tim Sherwood came in and righted the ship for a few games but now Tottenham’s results are starting to go the other way. Spurs lack identity and purpose under Sherwood in what seems like a scattergun approach to his lineups and tactics. That was very much evident on Thursday night where Spurs were beaten at home 3-1 by Benfica in a very lackluster performance. That being said Spurs despite all their flaws still do sit comfortably in fifth place in the table so perhaps things are not as bad as the press or supporters make it out to be.

Arsenal have piped Spurs for the final Champions League spot by just a single point in each of the last two years. A role reversal could be in store this season and maybe it will be Spurs who will take the bull by the horns and breathe some life back into the league and their season. A win on Sunday over Arsenal would see the Lilywhites trail Arsenal by a mere three points. This could be the catalyst for Spurs to pip Arsenal for that final Champions league spot if they can capitalize on the momentum of the win for the rest of their fixtures. Do I expect that to happen? No, another 5-2 beat down with an undisciplined Spurs red card it just as likely to happen. This is the North London Derby though and in a rivalry this heated anything is possible despite the perceived form of either club. What do you expect to see at WHL on Sunday?

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FA Cup Nuggetz!!

Are you ready for some knockout football?! Arguably one of the most prestigious team competitions in the world begins tomorrow. Well, the 3rd Round, aka “The FA Cup proper,” begins tomorrow, anyway. It’s called FA Cup proper, not because MC Hammer is involved but because the Premier League sides enter the tournament following the several qualification rounds and the opening two rounds where the League Two and League One sides enter.

Everybody loves the cups, especially the FA Cup. Well, except for Paul Lambert. Senile Scot besmirches hallowed English competition story on BBC1!

Wait, what? Where was I? Anyway, everybody loves the cups, especially the FA Cup, since it’s direct knockout football/soccer and lends itself to intriguing fixtures and multitudes of upsets as struggling sides in the Premier League and lower league sides are afforded the opportunity to go for broke and take the scalps of giants.

Why do I call the picks “Nuggetz?” Because, they’re tasty little morsels that may or may not leave a good taste in your mouth. It’s spelled with a “z,” because by rules of the interwebz everything spelled with a “z” on the end is kewler, amirite?!

With that, to the picks!

Disclaimer: These are mostly jokes. If you don’t get them, please go to an outlet store and get a sense of humor.

Blackburn Rovers-Manchester City
It was once rumored that €iteh’s Mansour bin Zayed Al-Nahyan was going to buy Blackburn Rovers initially but backed out of the deal when he learned that the Rovers were not referring to Mars rovers and thus decided to push once-upon-a-time regular crowd shots of Oasis to the background by dropping zillions of dollars and buying the Noisy Neighbor Manchester Club. Success has followed since that time if albeit in fits and starts but the Citizens are seemingly everyone’s current title favorites because… um, money and they score goals for fun at home. However, they’re on the road in this tie but I doubt the Mars Rovers, erm, I mean Blackburn Rovers will offer much a challenge once €iteh get into gear.

Manchester City 11, Blackburn Rovers 3

Nouchâteau Unité-Clwb Pêl-droed Dinas Caerdydd
Who the Hell are these two clubs you might ask? Well, Nouchâteau Unité, is Newcastle United in half-assed French whilst Clwb Pêl-droed Dinas Caerdydd is Cardiff City FC in Welsh. After years of a contentious Arsène Wenger relationship by Alan Pardew, Pardew had an epiphany awhile back and went with the if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em philosophy and decided to turn Newcastle United into Arsenal Francophile club 2.0. The man even went so far as to rebrand himself as Alain Pardieu and was going to unveil a quenelle celebration if Les Merles had defeated Arsenal in their recent match but luckily Nicolas Anelka’s travails saved Alain Pardieu some deep blushes. Cardiff City has recently hired Olé Gooner Solshire as recently as yesterday, though the former “Baby-Faced Assassin” was seen sitting next to Insane-o Vincent Tan during the Dragonbirds match against Arsenal on Wednesday. Didn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure out he was 99.9% going to be hired. Once Solshire hits puberty, he’s going to be a helluva manager… seriously, the man is forty and looks like he’s going on 15.

Nouchâteau Unité trois, Clwb Pêl-droed Dinas Caerdydd dau

Woolwich Wanderers-Middlesex Rovers
Totteringham Sp*rs fans love to carp that Arsenal are “Woolwich” and belong in South London and that Sp*rs are the only true North London EPL side. Which is hilarious because that’s the kind of stuff you rely on when you last won the league when television was black and white and it was also curiously right before Totteringham itself became North London rather than Middlesex. So, at least one club in the North London Derby has always been in London. But that’s history and history is where Liverpool fans live, so let’s move on. Tim Sherwad is apparently the second coming of Harry Redknapp which means he’ll win all of one trophy. Or none actually, since that last Sp*rs trophy was won by Juande Ramos who was run out of town, London that is rather than Middlesex, for the crime of being able to ingest lasagna without getting dysentery which is the largest taboo in Totteringham. Meanwhile, Woolwich are no doubt hurriedly trying to cobble together “Frankenstriker” from the body parts of long lost Arsenal greats. You think I’m kidding? We’ll see who’ll last laugh when 8’3″ Thierry van Smithwrightkamp starts at center forward on Saturday!

Middlesex 2, Woolwich 1, number of times Middlesex Sp*rs invoke “North London power shift” 4,573

Derby County-Chelski
The Special One is more prolific at scoring zingers in his pressers lately than Chelsea’s middling strikers have been since Didier Drogba left Stamford Bridge. However, Chelsea’s dynamic midfield players have picked up the burden, as in the past, but now the goals mainly come from Eden Hazard, which is code for “the moment before the serpent tempts Eve with original sin,” and not Frank Lampard, which is Anglo-Saxon for “deflected free kick goal.” Despite being on the road and despite the Cup being prone to upsets, I don’t see how Derby can ram more goals past Chelski than the Blues can past Derby. At least Derby has the ability to say every match they play is a “Derby match.” Wakka wakka wakka!

Chelski 5, Derby 1

Liverpool-Oldham Athletic
Liverpool is flying high  at the moment with Luís Suarez’s EPL-leading 243 goals. Even without R&B midfielder, Stevie G, the Reds have picked up points at rates not seen since they last won the league nearly a quarter of a century ago. But I bet we can all guess how many times Liverpool has won the European Cup since that’s what Kopites love to shout. Meanwhile, Oldham Athletic was named after the leftover holiday ham that is torn up and made into casseroles and pies just before it spoils. They tacked Athletic on to the name in honor of the little dance you do when you bring spoiled ham to the garbage can trying to avoid most of the smell as possible. This technique helped Oldham players work on their footwork and become more athletic, hence the name. Spoiled ham is the story of a ham that was once great and that’s where Liverpool is at their best- talking about the past.

Liverpool 4, Oldham 0

Manchester United-Swansea City
Alex Ferguson’s hand-picked successor, David Moyles, has been having a rough go of it of late, despite recently reeling off four straight wins. Moyles can’t be faulted because in this day and age when you have the likes of Robin van Persie, Wayne Rooney, Javier “Chicharito” Hernández, Danny Welbeck, Shinji Kagawa and Adnan Januzaj to grace your attack, a brother just can’t be expected to win. Looking at that list and the price tags on them it’s just a miracle a penny pinching club like Man U hasn’t fallen down to the lower leagues. But much like the plastic that makes up their alleged 600 million worldwide fans, Man U is durable and is a big enough club they can survive many of their gloryhunter plastic fans jumping ship to hotter, en vogue clubs such as Southampton, Chelsea, and any club that wins their most recent game. Swansea were once the upcoming “second team,” i.e. a lot of fans’ second club they didn’t mind seeing win but have seen been eclipsed in that category by Southampton due in part to Swansea basically being on holiday since winning the League Cup last year.

Glory Glory Man U Plastic Club 3, Swansea Second Sity 1

the rest of the matches:

Barnsley-Coventry City
Barnsley shalt not Coventry your neighbor’s wife!
Barnsley 1, Coventry 0

Yeovil Town-Leyton Orient
Yeovil Reddenbacher makes delicious popcorn even if it leaves Leyton butter residue on your fingers after eating.
Leyton Orient 2-Yeovil Town 1

Click the red box to the right to read on (more bad jokes are on the way).

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